I feel stronger ... and ready to let go. The difference are only when my eyes close and open but feel I'm a little bit changed. It may be because of something. My pray to be stronger.
Love is always complicated. Sometimes I think, if I just forget everything after that night, I won't be suffer. If I just treat her like other girls that came into my life during these 3 years, things may be better. But again, I did not do that and I think of her more than that.
What to do next?
End our relationship ... it may be a good idea coz I'm the kind of person believing that "breaking up when we love each other is a beautiful thing," at least, it is better than waiting til things get ugly and we hate each other forever. And I'm scared of hurting her and also hating her.
Love is always complicated. Sometimes I think, if I just forget everything after that night, I won't be suffer. If I just treat her like other girls that came into my life during these 3 years, things may be better. But again, I did not do that and I think of her more than that.
What to do next?
End our relationship ... it may be a good idea coz I'm the kind of person believing that "breaking up when we love each other is a beautiful thing," at least, it is better than waiting til things get ugly and we hate each other forever. And I'm scared of hurting her and also hating her.
Continue our relationship ... I'm thinking of her always but I can't control myself not to think so much about what she is doing and with who. She may be thinking of me but she always disappears for days and that is her way of doing things which I can't help not to worry about. What if it's not about having others...what if she falls into a deep shit, sick, feeling bad? I can't even stand by her side. I do not want to change who she is. I'm too far away and it's like we don't even know when we are going to meet.
The funny thing about our love is ... when I'm with her, I feel super happy in every aspect any every single time we spent. I love the hug. She always ask me to lead even when we hold hands which sumtimes I want her to lead me too coz I want her to choose the best for herself not only follow my direction. I'd love to see what she loves. We may be mad and argue on phone, msn or sms but when we are together, problem always solved in few minutes.
I don't want to let this feeling go cz all fighting we have through these stupid media.
If this coming Monday one of us decides not to continue ... will we have to end everything online?
If we have to end, can we have the last beautiful moment ?? I wonder....
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