I drove down to KL today, was a damn tired trip. Long hours drive, jam,flood and accidents. I wasted one hour on the highway when an accident happened to a lorry. It seemed to be involved a lot of blood. I even saw and smell human parts. Damn scary...
I met the gal. She may not understand and think tat I just find her for the problem about this and that person but Hell NO !!It was coz the reason she disappeared the night before. I just wanna make sure she is still ok..
I don't know...I wanna cry but in front of her I could not. I did cry after sitting alone and think of why, why she did that. I told her before...and she promised me she will not do that kind of thing again. What I did was wrong and I knew it. I should trust her cz mani things she did prove to me she really wants to make things work but one thing about this time, she did not trust me cz if she trust me, she would have to ask me first before thinking lots more.
Give me a reason on Earth that I wan to hurt her? Why do I want to hurt her? Has she ever thought bout tis...I may be mad and talk to her rudely sumtimes does not mean that I will have to go and mess around. The person I want is her. The words I told was twisted and you know what? I blamed it all to myself...if I don't care about a person without manner..If I act like seeing nth, she would never have do that thing.
Now both or us need time. We found that we don't want this relationship to stop BUT..yeah..I hate the BUT..we do not know what better to do. End also painful, continue also painful coz all the expectation I have on her and all this distance thing. She does not know she can be good enough. May be she does not know that..."I also don't know what is good enough."
I don't need her to be so damn good or anythg like tat...What I need is her being a part of this relationship with full of her heart. Love will lead her the way, as well as leading me. Love can be felt just looking into the eyes...and I hope she feels that when she looks into mine.
A week to go, before giving each other the answer after asking our own hearts. I hope she knew something, I hope she will read...I always write the truth but always say the things tat different from my heart.
I'm not opening for anyone in these 7 days...I'm not leaving until everything is solved. We may continue or we may ended but at least I will find out what I want and wait for your answer too. I'm not fucking any other gals ... I respect her enough for not to hurt her again.
And I hope she takes good care of herself ... I'm not creating any problems ... so she should not be stressful. If she really wans to hurt anything again...I hope she will think of hurting me bt nt hrself. I will stand and let she hits me til she feels enuf, feel good wit it but not again, tat thing.
I hate myself for being a part of it ... and I'm sure everytime I look at it, I will feel painful.
I fucking hate maself...
I met the gal. She may not understand and think tat I just find her for the problem about this and that person but Hell NO !!It was coz the reason she disappeared the night before. I just wanna make sure she is still ok..
I don't know...I wanna cry but in front of her I could not. I did cry after sitting alone and think of why, why she did that. I told her before...and she promised me she will not do that kind of thing again. What I did was wrong and I knew it. I should trust her cz mani things she did prove to me she really wants to make things work but one thing about this time, she did not trust me cz if she trust me, she would have to ask me first before thinking lots more.
Give me a reason on Earth that I wan to hurt her? Why do I want to hurt her? Has she ever thought bout tis...I may be mad and talk to her rudely sumtimes does not mean that I will have to go and mess around. The person I want is her. The words I told was twisted and you know what? I blamed it all to myself...if I don't care about a person without manner..If I act like seeing nth, she would never have do that thing.
Now both or us need time. We found that we don't want this relationship to stop BUT..yeah..I hate the BUT..we do not know what better to do. End also painful, continue also painful coz all the expectation I have on her and all this distance thing. She does not know she can be good enough. May be she does not know that..."I also don't know what is good enough."
I don't need her to be so damn good or anythg like tat...What I need is her being a part of this relationship with full of her heart. Love will lead her the way, as well as leading me. Love can be felt just looking into the eyes...and I hope she feels that when she looks into mine.
A week to go, before giving each other the answer after asking our own hearts. I hope she knew something, I hope she will read...I always write the truth but always say the things tat different from my heart.
I'm not opening for anyone in these 7 days...I'm not leaving until everything is solved. We may continue or we may ended but at least I will find out what I want and wait for your answer too. I'm not fucking any other gals ... I respect her enough for not to hurt her again.
And I hope she takes good care of herself ... I'm not creating any problems ... so she should not be stressful. If she really wans to hurt anything again...I hope she will think of hurting me bt nt hrself. I will stand and let she hits me til she feels enuf, feel good wit it but not again, tat thing.
I hate myself for being a part of it ... and I'm sure everytime I look at it, I will feel painful.
I fucking hate maself...
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